MAN-EATING HARPY
by JuubiOokami
Summary: When Merlin finds a beautiful, mysterious girl injured in the woods, he cannot help but be drawn to her and fall in-love...Now it's up to Arthur to save the day. But can he make his manservant realise that his supposed new girl-friend is in-fact a MAN-EATING HARPY before it is too late? Some serious/violent scenes, mostly crack/humor. Arthur/Merlin Bromance alert!


**Author's note - Posting two stories in one night! *Gasp* It must be the holiday season creeping up on me! So this is a story for all of you who have read **_**those**_** fanfics and who are all too familiar with the oh so sickly sweet taste of Mary-Sues. This is the story about the **_**truth**_** of Mary-Sues, about their real purpose in stories, about what their natural design is intended to do – destroy the characters we love! Read and open your eyes to the reality of our greatest and worst creation – a monster fit for Halloween…A fanfic based on bad fanfics….Read – if you dare!**

**Warning – Minor Language and Mary-Sues.**

**Disclaimer – The interpretation of the characters from Merlin belong to the BBC and I take no credit for them. Alecto/Niamh is mine, however regretfully though. If I did own the characters of Merlin, there would be more fat people in Camelot…And the Knights would always be shirtless. And covered with mean battle scars – because they were always shirtless.**

**Enjoy!**

Arthur didn't like it. He didn't like it at all. He hadn't liked it the moment he set eyes on it, and though he hoped that he was a fair man when it came to judgement, he couldn't even find it in him to give this _girl_ a chance.

"_What's __**wrong**__ with her Arthur?" _Merlin had demanded furiously, blue eyes angry and confused at Arthur's obvious disapproval. _"She's hungry and hurt and has nowhere to go! Was I just supposed to leave her!?"_

Arthur hadn't been able to answer his manservant. He knew he wasn't always the most astute of men, but really…She had purple eyes – _who_ had purple eyes, dammit? And her hair…It was so…so…_luscious_. Luscious, and long and the colour of snow. She said that she had been born with it, that it was caused by a unique disorder in her blood. Oh, Arthur had fought the urge to say, how very _rare_ and _precious_ of you. She was certainly precious when she ate - with those little delicate nibbles and sips, barely touching her food and then apologising for having so little appetite, batting her eyelashes mournfully. Well, clearly she hadn't been _that_ hungry then, had she?

And then there was the way it had all happened to begin with! Merlin, who had been walking through the forest for some undisclosed reason, coming across her lying in a leafy glade, the sun-light streaming over her delicate body, illuminating the slightly unnatural pale of her perfect skin…

From Arthur's experience when people lay around all night in glades, having stumbled through the woods supporting an injury, they didn't tend to look so angelic when they were found. In-fact, they had normally pissed themselves in the effort, reeked of sweat and blood, and were frequently dead to boot. At the very least her nose should have been running, Arthur decided.

Merlin had said he had heard singing and had come across her. She had been trying to comfort herself, she had explained, she had been frightened and her mother had always comforted her with lullabies whenever she was a little girl. Merlin had thought it was touching, Arthur had thought it was stupid.

"_If you had the breath to sing, why didn't you call for help?" _He had asked, and her purple eyes had been on him, so sad and haunted and full of beauty.

"_I did not think that anyone would hear me…I did not know my saviour was so close."_ She had turned to Merlin, with a small timid smile and Arthur had almost gagged.

Then there was the matter of her name. Arthur felt frustrated just thinking about it. Merlin had tried to introduce her as Alecto, when she had interrupted him.

"_Please, call me Niamh." _She had insisted. At their confusion, she had explained. _"When I was born, there was a great darkness to my life and my mother, may she rest in peace, gave me two names for the two halves of my soul. Alecto for my darkness and Niamh for my light."_

Two names for the two halves of her soul? It just sounded like indecision to Arthur, like her mother couldn't choose.

"_What do they mean?"_ Merlin had asked and she had smiled to patiently to him.

"_Alecto means endurance." _She had said, _"It is the name of my pain, and my despair…But since saving me Merlin, you have reminded me that there is good as well…You have given a chance to be Niamh again. It means beauty and brightness."_

Does it _really!?_ Arthur wanted to demand sarcastically, but he had held his tongue and excused himself. Gaius had confirmed that the girl's injuries would heal, but until then she would need close attention…

Which was exactly what she had gotten for the past two weeks. From Merlin. God – but the way he _pampered_ her, and talked about her, and sighed her name – (one of _two_ she had), it was utterly _agonizing!_

And what's more, all of the Knights were taken in by her. Even Guinevere liked her.

"_She's so brave…Suffering everything she has."_

"_I don't want to hear what she's suffered, and I don't want her in my kingdom." _Arthur had responded sharply, and his Queen had looked at him in dismay.

"_Arthur, how can you be so cruel…She has lost her entire family, has fought through Odin's men to reach the safety of Camelot. All she wants is peace and relief from the blood which has been shed…She has done no wrong."_

And once more Arthur couldn't explain it. He couldn't explain why this perfect little angel, with her pearly skin and hair, and big purple eyes, and beautiful voice made Arthur want to violently shake her. He didn't like her. He didn't like her a bit.

But he had endured. He wasn't a bad person, and he could hardly throw her back to the wilds when she was still recovering. But her presence stalked him like a plague, whether it was through her sudden appearances, or through Merlin's chatter, or through whispers of her virtues and suffering which spread through the castle.

"You know training ended an hour ago." A voice disturbed Arthur's thoughts and he looked up to find Gwaine staring down at him. The knight took a seat by his side on the bench.

"How did you know I was out here?" Arthur eventually asked – he had wanted some time alone, away from everybody, and most importantly away from Niamh.

"The one who shall not be spoken of saw you through the window, wanted me to see you were alright." Gwaine said dramatically and Arthur stiffened. His Knights had noticed Arthur's increasing distaste for any subject encircling Niamh, and had taken to avoiding her name in conversation around the King in order not to incur his wrath. Arthur had made it plain to them that anyone who spoke about her during training would take Merlin's place as an unarmed moving target.

"Why can't you give her a chance?" Gwaine broke his train of thought by flicking his ear, like he had completely forgotten that Arthur was the King of Camelot and had raised the man from nothing to Knighthood. Arthur looked across to him with irritation, and Gwaine waggled his eyebrows in challenge, biting into an apple. Since the attack of the Dorocha, all he seemed to do was eat apples…It was like some sort of curse.

"I just don't trust her." He gripped. "She's…She's…"

"Kind, sweet, compassionate and funny, beautiful, intelligent, and yet still able to pack a mean punch and defend herself when necessary?" Gwaine offered, and Arthur clapped his hands.

"Exactly! She's too a perfect!"

"A woman can be too perfect?" Gwaine asked surprised.

"Gwaine!"

"I think you just don't like how happy she is making Merlin." The Knight accused casually and Arthur stood, pacing with agitation.

"Merlin," He grumbled, "She's doing something to him. He's been acting strangely, as if-"

"-He's in love?" Gwaine took another bite of the apple. "Come Arthur, the way he looks at her, it's like she's the light of his life. And she seems to think the world of him too."

"It's only been two weeks!" Arthur complained. "It's just insane…He's only just met her, he knows nothing about her – he found her in a damn wood! And they fall instantly inlove? It's just too good to be true – can't anybody else see that?"

"Oh come on Arthur, Merlin is happy…Can't you just let him be?" Gwaine's tone became a little more serious. "He doesn't have many people."

"He has us!"

"What, are you going to warm his bed at night? Because – I like Merlin, but I wouldn't be up for that." Gwaine raised his eyebrows and Arthur threw his hands into the air in frustration.

"You know what I mean Gwaine! Come on – even you have to agree that this is ridiculous!"

"No, what's ridiculous is how you're acting. Merlin has someone, and for perhaps the first time in his life he is totally in-love and happy. Why can't you accept that! You have Guinevere – did you think Merlin would be content just serving you for the rest of his life and being alone?"

Arthur seized Gwaine by the front of his armour. "Would you stop and listen to me!" He demanded, angrily, "This has nothing to do with Merlin, alright!? It's her! It's _her_ I don't like, it's _her_ that I am suspicious of. Merlin is my _friend, _and I don't think she means him well."

Gwaine shook Arthur off, "You are just…freakishly jealous." He accused, "You need to calm down! It's not your decision who Merlin gets to be with."

"But it is my decision who stays in Camelot." Arthur spat, and Gwaine stared at him in stony silence.

"Arthur…" He warned very softly, "If you banish her…Merlin will never forgive you, and neither will I."

Arthur stared at the man, and saw no hesitation in his dark eyes. The normally jovial knight was deadly serious, and Arthur slowly sat down again.

"Of course I'm not going to banish her." He grunted and Gwaine seemed to relax a little. "Maybe I'm just paranoid…?" He admitted and Gwaine went contentedly back to his apple.

"Probably." He said with his mouth full. Arthur ruffled his hands through his hair in anger and dropped his head down, his chin to his chest.

"Is Merlin really happy?"

"I caught him dancing whilst cleaning yesterday," Gwaine snorted, "He's pretty damn happy."

Arthur sighed again. It was true that Merlin had seemed so much brighter these days, talkative and light on his clumsy feet. And everyone seemed to love Niamh – even Guinevere, and she had the best judgement of them all. Could it be that Arthur was jealous, in some strange way? He didn't hold any romantic notions for his manservant – (no, the very thought made him shudder), but…Well, Merlin was his closest friend and Arthur wasn't used to sharing.

Perhaps Gwaine was right? It pained Arthur to accept that.

"Maybe…I'll give her a chance." He finally concluded and he heard Gwaine hum in agreement with a strong tone of self-satisfaction. "For Merlin's sake." Arthur added, "…I still don't like her though."

Gwaine rolled his eyes. "You're a stubborn ass, Arthur."

"I could have you put in the stocks for that." Arthur warned and Gwaine gave an unimpressed 'ooh'.

"If you do, I'll tell everybody that you're jealous of Merlin's new girl-friend."

Arthur ripped his metal arm brace from his wrist and threw it at Gwaine who retreated, cackeling as he ran to the safety of the armoury. Arthur watched him go and then looked up to the window where a white figure watched him with long sweeping ivory hair. He narrowed his eyes and she seemed to smile before turning and sweeping away, like some misty dream. Arthur strode forward and picked up his brace, teeth gritted.

He didn't like it. No – he didn't like it one bit.

**Oh no Alecto/Niamh – Arthur is onto you! May be behead you slowly with a blunt stick. **

**! Love-sick Merlin is in great trouble, no thanks to a well-meaning Gwaine! Can Arthur save him in-time before it is too late!?**

**Tell me all what you think!**


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